As I Cee It

Archive for April 2013

Surely you’ve all been reading long enough to know that television is quite possibly the love of my life. It does a lot for me. Makes me happy, sad, laugh, cry. And it makes me question things. Lately, I’ve been preoccupied with thoughts of the Vice President. Specifically, what in the world does the Vice President of America do?

Don’t laugh. I’m serious. What does the VP do? We know he gets to take over if something happens to the president, but besides that… what does he do?

Now, what television has taught me is that the President and Vice President have a contentious relationship that is nothing like President Obama and VP Biden portray to the public.* In fact, as far as television is concerned, the VP is nothing but a Mr. America pageant scholarship winner going about the country and world spreading goodwill and waving. I googled “what does the vice president of America do?” and you know what I got? Nothing. Nothing I couldn’t have learned from TV.

Here are the fun/interesting things that TV has taught me. Please see the following examples:

Scandal (ABC): The President on Scandal is Fitzgerald Grant and the Vice President is Sally Langston. They are hardly ever together, and when they are, the tension is so thick between them it’s ridiculous. They don’t seem to have the same agenda, and VP Langston hates that she pretty much has to do whatever Fitz tells her. He literally blackmails her at one point so that she’ll go along with what he wants. What in the hell is that?

Sally is seen doing: Pretty much nothing. The only time she’s seen on the show is when the president summons her and for the brief period when Fitz was incapacitated, she took over as president and started running things. Besides that, I guess she just trots around the country reluctantly spreading his message.

Veep (HBO): I don’t like this show, as it’s not nearly as funny as it thinks it is. But this one was the first show to knock me over the head with the President/VP relationship. Julia Louis-Dreyfus is VP Selina Meyer in this one. A running gag on the show is her constantly asking the staff if the president has called. As in, she never talks to him. I feel like I saw an episode where she tries to get in contact with him, but he never calls back. How is this possible?!

Selina is seen doing: Speeches. She goes out and gives speeches, usually places where the president can’t be bothered to go and she makes appearances in random places like an ice cream/yogurt shop. A dog and pony show, I tell you. The only time she was important was when they thought the president was sick and she gets moved to the Situation Room for a potential crisis.

The West Wing (NBC, 1999-2006): President Josiah (Jed) Bartlett is in charge here with VP John Hoynes as his number two. Everyone in the White House knows President Bartlett and the VP don’t get along. As with the previous examples, they’re hardly ever in the room together. For the most part, President Bartlett has someone on his staff call the VP when they need him to do something for them. They send him about the country, smiling and waving, and they ask him to vote their way in ties.

Hoynes is seen doing: Television spots, interviews, walking around, being rude to the president, writing a tell all.

Bob Russell is the second VP, after Hoynes resigns. The first thing he demands when being considered for the position is regular meetings with the president. He does not want to be like the previous VP who knew not nary a thing that was going on in the White House.

Russell is seen doing: Making jokes about himself and how dull he is, being dull, openly planning and plotting his campaign for president for when President Bartlett’s term is up. I mean, he has his staff leak information so he can “distance himself” from the Bartlett administration for his own run. WHAT?!?!

The moral of the story is this: According to television, the Vice President is nothing but a glorified understudy.

Do you know what the VP does? Can you tell me? Because the internet (and public schools and universities) has failed me.

* I like VP Joe B and in my mind him and President Obama are the bestest of friends. Like maybe they have poker nights together and their wives hang out and stuff. They seem like they have each other’s back. They always seem so cool with each other. What if that’s not true??? Oh, my heart would hurt.

Side note: In each of the television examples, the vice president was the president’s opponent in the primary election. That could be why their relationships are awful. Perhaps picking the person you demolished (as long as you in and get to be president while the other person does not, it counts as being demolished, even if it’s by 3 votes) in an election to run as your VP is not the best idea ever thought.

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Once upon a time, a young and social princess lived the life of other princesses her age. She worked by day and played by night and weekend. Then one day, she happened upon someone she knew only by name. Introduced by a friend, they began a no risk relationship that lasted for one month, at which point the princess thought the cost of the relationship too steep.

It was less than a year later that they met again by accident. This time, the princess was not strong enough to resist the knight’s charms. In their time apart, the knight gained more knowledge, was funnier, and could expose her to many things she’d missed, but longed to see. But their relationship became toxic. Before the princess noticed, the knight was controlling her life. Through the winter, they were close and there was no need for either of them to go out. However, even in warm months, the princess spent much of her time with the knight. With her new job, she was able to go home earlier and thought only of the extra time she could spend with the knight. And so it went for months and months. Outings with friends fell to the wayside. Phone calls were a bit more scarce. It seemed nearly impossible to bridge the gap between the princess and her knight and the rest of the world.

Until the princess was informed of the impending departure of a friend to a far away land. The princess mustered the strength to escape the now claustrophobic embrace of the knight, met up with her trusty sidekick, and journeyed out to say her goodbyes. It was during this farewell that the princess realized that her gallant knight and beautiful home had become a prison.

And she vowed she would not continue to let it be so.

——————–
Since then, I’ve been indoor rock climbing twice, went to a baseball game, bowling, lunch and dinner with friends, hanging out with family, and I’m doing a 5K this month. All while maintaining a less ridiculous relationship with the knight – Sir Netflix.


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Hardly in the Ville, but always reppin. #vacation #beach #gatornation #gogators #Summer18
The last member of the trio that keeps me sane is @toni_with_a_t. As much as I hated the grad school that shall not be named, I can always look back on our friendship as the highlight of that time. Thanks for always being down for whatever ridiculous idea either of us can come up with and for being an incredibly encouraging friend. I am inspired and motivated by your faith, I can only hope to emulate your ability to accept feedback, and I am endlessly amused by the semi-secret hoodrat ratchet chick that lives inside of you. #NationalBestFriendDay
Next! This is my Eebs. She moved all the way to Baltimore so we could hang out. Fine, ok, that was a lie. But! She's still a great friend. @eebs101, I am in awe of your dedication to serving others, I am impressed by your 17 job grind, and I admire your optimism. Thank you for keeping me from going off on people and for helping to expand my thoughts and for accepting the times when I just want to be stubborn and sit in my feelings before I even consider really addressing them. And thanks for being there when I'm ready to do so. To next year's island vacation! (Which will happen cause we need it.) #nationalbestfriendday
It's #NationalBestFriendDay so let me do my shoutouts to the trio. First up is @Jennifre, whose years of service I won't mention cause that'll age us both. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being a fantastic friend over the years. We've both grown as people and in a way that keeps us bonded rather than pulling us apart. I value your honesty, I applaud your creativity, and I appreciate all of our conversations. May the Broadway shows keep a'comin, may we return to Whine & Wines, and may we always remember that we are here to support each other. This one is for you - FOR YOOOOUU! (That's my Principal Frye sketch voice, btw.)
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